Today's post is a very serious one. In looking around me, I find a lot of people in unhealthy relationships, as can be expected with being in university. Unfortunately, people often don't know they're in abusive relationships, and it takes an outside party to figure it out.
That's why I am taking the time today to do a quick little post about abusive relationships, in particular the signs of an abusive relationship. Abuse doesn't just mean physical, it can be emotional too. I just hope that after reading this people can help themselves or each other, because abusive relationships are both hard to spot and hard to get out of, but are also extremely dangerous.
1: Pushing for quick involvement.
This involves coming on strong very quickly, and is something like saying, "I've never felt like this before" or "I love you more than anything" near the start of a relationship. This is a pressure for quick commitment and is not a healthy start.
2: There is excessive jealousy.
There will always be a little jealousy in all of our hearts, it is part of the human psyche. But excessive calling to check up on you, unexpected visits, and constant jealousy towards friends or family is NOT healthy.
3: Your partner is controlling.
It is not okay to dictate who you can see, talk to, where you can go, etc. It is not okay for them to control your social media sites. It is not okay for them to check the mileage on your car, your credit/debit card transactions, or anything else that you do when you are not with them. Controlling your life is not okay.
4: Unrealistic expectations.
Being expected to be the perfect person and meet your partner's every need is not healthy in a relationship. No on is perfect, if they can't live with that then you are better off single.
5: There is isolation.
If your partner is cutting you off from your friends and family and making you the only person they interact with, they are isolating you so that you feel dependent on them and lonely. You need to make sure there are people in your life besides a significant other in order to be healthy.
6: Your partner blames others for their mistakes.
This is especially bad if they are blaming you for what they have done.
7: Your partner makes everyone else responsible for his or her feelings.
For example, saying, "You make me angry" rather than "I am angry." By doing this, your partner is trying to make you feel guilty for their emotions, and in a backward way is trying to make you afraid of them and complacent to their wishes.
Indications of this are being easily insulted, and raging about injustices that are part of life.
9: Cruelty towards animals and children.
If your partner does this, chances are they will act in this way towards you as well.
10: "Playful" use of force.
During sexual activity or not, this indicates a level of excitement towards forced sexual activity. In the future, this could turn into manipulated or even forced sexual acts that you do not want to engage in.
11: Verbal abuse.
If your partner constantly criticizes you, degrades you, says cruel things, curses at you, or calls you names, that is not okay. That is unacceptable behaviour and does not make for a healthy relationship. Verbal abuse includes using your past against you as well.
12: Rigid gender roles.
Pressure to be overly masculine or feminine from your partner is unhealthy. Each partner should be able to express themselves, not be put into a box society has created.
13: Sudden mood swings.
Loving to angry in .2 seconds? Not a good sign.
14: He/she has a past of battering.
And says that the other person's actions or the situation brought it on and was warranted. NO violence is EVER justified.
15: Threats of violence.
This includes threatening you, threatening others, or threatening to harm themselves.
I hope this has maybe helped someone out there with their situation. If one of these indicators applies to you, maybe take a look at your relationship. If two or more apply to you, then seriously consider turning heel and getting away from your partner. Unhealthy relationships make the people in them feel awful. It lowers self-esteem, creates incredible, persistent sadness, and results in feeling lonely, isolated and helpless.
There are always resources out there if you are in this situation. If you are, please call:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
(or check out their website for more info: http://www.thehotline.org/)
The Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1-888-7-HELPLINE
or for teens Kid's Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868
Please stay safe everyone <3 It's impossible to pick your soul mate on the first try but you don't have to force a relationship, especially if it's unhealthy <3